The Knock Knock Knock Penny Igemination
by Steve61
Summary: A week in the life of Penny as she deals with Sheldon, who is more of a pest than usual.


_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

The unmistakable sounds of Sheldon urgently rapping his bony scientist knuckles on her door told an exasperated Penny that her attention was immediately required. Many, many times...no, make that many, many, many, many times when this happened had shown her that pretending to not be home and ignoring him had proven fruitless, for the geek would somehow hear her breathing or blinking in some kinda creepy way of knowing she was home.

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

Of course, it didn't help that her stereo was blaring Gwen Stefani's _'What You Waiting For?'_ at a volume that people on the American/Mexican border could probably hear!

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

There it was; the third set of knock-knock-knocks and urgent uttering of her name.

That's how he visited her, every single time, like some kind of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder cuckoo clock!

"Darn well gonna change it to Brielonia or Rapunzel or something some day!" she moaned to herself as she reached for the door handle, then instantly brightened up to give a too-cheerful smile for Sheldon, who usually was caught off guard by the unexpected human emotion. She swung her door open, and proclaimed, "Yes, my dearest?"

Sheldon opened his mouth to continue his train of thought, but his too-analytical mind stopped in mid-vowel as he tried to register what he believed he'd just heard.

"'Dearest'? Pardon my saying so, Penny, but I believe that such affectations are usually reserved for those that are courting one another, or at the very least trapped within a God-less marriage when the lamest of labels is used to allay the fears of the other spouse that one still cares."

Penny's face fell as she now had to figure out what he'd just said, so she just returned to smiling and said, "Yes, my dearest?"

Sheldon's mind was too focused on his needs, so he forced himself to get back on track. "Every weekday at 5 pm BBC America shows _'Doctor Who'_-"

"Honey, honey," Penny interrupted, holding up a hand, "Yes, I know all about your Chewbaccas and your Romulans, but like I said before, I don't have that channel on my TV-"

"Excuse meee," Sheldon frowned, putting his hands on his hips, indignant, "Not only did you not allow me to state my question in its entirety, but you actually combined three distinct series and movies with your interruption! Firstly, Chewbacca is, as we all know, a well-established single character in the _'Star Wars'_ series of movies and not the name of an alien species, and wouldn't fit in as a companion for the Doctor, no matter how many jelly babies Tom Baker fed him! Secondly, the Romulans are most certainly _not_ in the _'Doctor Who'_ universe, be they the noble, honourable off-shoots of Spock's genealogy, as portrayed magnificently by the late Mark Lenard, or the bumpy-foreheaded _'Next Generation'_ traitorous updates from episodes such as _'The Defector'_, '_Unification'_ Parts one and two, _'Face of the Enemy'_ or-" Sheldon said, pausing to twitch and scratch himself like he was covered with ants, "-the final TNG movie, _'Star Trek - Nemesis'_. Sorry. The thought that Shinzon could possibly be a clone of a younger Jean Luc Pi-"

"Sheldon!"

"-card. Yes?"

"Is this going somewhere?" an exasperated Penny forced herself to ask.

"Yes. Every weekday at 5pm BBC America shows _'Doctor Who'_-"

"Oy!" Penny sighed, rolling her eyes.

"-but as is obvious by the silence across the hall, neither Leonard nor I are present, as we're employed at the university,and are unable to watch the latest series as it's transmitted, thus delegating our viewing pleasure to the later hours between 6 pm and 7:45 pm, and then again from 7:55 pm to 10:30 pm."

"What's happening between 7:45 and 7:55?"

Sheldon stared at her like she was nuts. "That's when I relieve my bowels, of course! I should think you've noticed that before?"

"Um...nope. Haven't been timing you. Sorry."

"Anyways, as it turns out, neither Leonard, nor I will be home tonight when the re-showing of the episode, _'Cold Blood'_ is transmitted, and I need you to re-record it for us."

Penny thought about this, regretting that she was about to ask a follow-up question, but the obvious hadn't yet been made obvious to her. The obvious, as far as Sheldon Cooper was concerned, of course.

"You want me to 're-record' it? What's wrong with your original copy?"  
>"'What's wrong with my original copy'?" Sheldon asked wide-eyed and horrified. Penny knew she was in for it now! "The original, although satisfactory as far as a first time viewing was sufficient, what with it's inane, arduous interruptions of commercials, I require that my copies of <em>'Doctor Who'<em> dispense with such interruptions so that when I watch it for the third, fourth, or twenty-fourth time-" Penny mouthed the number 'twenty-four' to herself, her eyes wide, and mind blown, "-I can enjoy it as it should be, as one continuous story, like a book! Imagine reading the first chapter of a book, then having Howard discuss his erectile deficiencies, then his fiancé alerting me to her need to shampoo with apple-blossom shampoo, then have Raj tell me about his vacation to Disneyland, followed by-"

"Okayokayokayokay! I'll do it!" Penny blurted out, silencing Sheldon again, but at least prompting him to smile every so slightly.

"Thank you in advance."

"You're welcome," she sighed, exhausted. "What's so great about this episode?"

"'What's so great about this episode'?" Sheldon exclaimed, horrified by her ignorance.

"Here we go..." she sighed to herself.

"Other than the fact that it's the second part of a two-part Matt Smith first year episode, it features the return of the Silurians, a race that hasn't been seen since the Peter Davison four-parter, _'Warriors of the Deep'_ in 1983, when they teamed up with the newly-revised Sea Devils and the...the..." he said, once again devolving into fits of itching and rapid blinking as he said, "-Myrka. Ugh. Don't ask! And don't get me started in Leonard's affirmation that these aren't proper Silurians, simply because they don't have bulbous frog eyes and a third energy eye, and are instead played with human-looking eyes, since, as everyone knows, a Saint Bernard is considered a dog, but so is a Chihuahua, despite their divergent evolutionary patterns and final results.'

"So it's a big deal?"

"What? The Saint Bernard?"

"No, no, honey, recording part two of a two-parter?"

"Yes, it is, Penny," he replied solemnly, his face stoic.

"Okay, then. I''ll do it."

"Thank you...dearest."

Sheldon then pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and began an in-depth description of when she needed to press the 'pause' button', including the full dialog and action taking place beforehand so that she'd know when to hit the 'pause' button, the estimated minutes and seconds that the episode should end at, sans commercials, and the perfect volume to record said program.

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

Penny shuffled sleepily from her refrigerator in her housecoat, sleepily mumbling to herself, "Thought that shotgun I bought off of E-Bay woulda been here by now, just for such an occasion as this!" She gathered her wits, and forced a smile on her face, as she opened her door. "Hi, Sheldon."  
>"Hello...dearest."<p>

In spite of herself, Penny bit her lower lip to avoid giggling at the unexpected address, and asked him, "So what can I do for you this lazy, Sunday morning?"

Sheldon paused and checked his watch, and replied dead-panned, "Actually it's only Sunday morning beyond 140 degrees West Longitude, towards Hawaii, but for here in Pasadena it's 12:52 PM, thus making it early afternoon."

"Whatever. It's still lazy for me. What do you want?"

"I require, that is, _we_ require your assistance in a matter of importance that neither Leonard nor I am capable of solving at this juncture."

"Ah, come one, Sheldon, even though I watched some of your _'Cold Blood'_ episode and I agree with Leonard that those guys weren't _real_ Silurians, I have a right to believe-"

"No, that's not it, but at some time in the future you and I are going to have a long talk about your inferior knowledge of _'Doctor Who'_ and genetics and evolution, but that's not important right now. As I said, Leonard and I need you to help us regarding an issue that neither of us is capable of dealing with, namely the eradication of a mutated Pholcus Phalangioides in our bathroom!'"

"A what-the-focus-fella-?" she asked, squinting, clueless.

"Pholcus Phalangiodes," Sheldon repeated, the name rolling off his tongue. When she didn't respond, he talked down to her level, again. "The Mother of all Daddy Long Legs spiders! Or the Daddy of all Daddy Long Legs spiders, by the looks of his eight sinister eyes! Probably the progenitor of every horrific specimen of Pholcus Phalangiodes every conceived, as far as I'm concerned! I'm tall enough to reach up and squash his hairy, mutated body, but he's so big he's crossed the limitations of my willingness to kill. And since you're from Nebraska, where you're used to cavorting with all kinds of creepy crawlies, we need you. Badly."

He backed up like a robot, and waved her forward, his intense, wide eyes starring at her, which would brook no answer other than 'yes'.

"Oookay," she sighed, leaving her apartment, following my the trembling Sheldon, as she muttered to herself, "Nothing stirs my appetite for breakfast like the bloody guts of a spider gushing out beneath my bare fist!"

"I've provided you with a suitable washcloth to do the dirty deed," Sheldon said.

"Thanks."  
>"No problem. It's Leonard's I've been meaning to get him to throw it out for a month, and I believe the displacement of Daddy Long Legs internal organs on it should finally convince him!".<p>

"...I'm just saying that they should have come o up with a reason why Khan recognized Chekov in _'Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan'_!" Raj was complaining, as he and his fellow nerdy geniuses ate their lunch at the university.

"Oh, come now, Raj, get into the 21st Century!" Sheldon chided, as he poked at his salad. "That's a question that fandom has been asking themselves for 29 years, and-" he stopped suddenly as he did the math, and found out that it was, indeed, 29 years since the Trekkie blockbuster had premiered. "Good golly, Miss Molly, has it really been that long? Nevertheless, there are ample explanations posed in fandom, from the quaint, amateurish photo-copied fanzines of the '80's to the high-quality works of intrepid authors on . It's really a moot point, really. Khan recognized him, so they obviously met off-screen."

"But how?" Raj asked emphatically, as if he'd been asked to solve the problem of what came first, the chicken or the egg. "If we go by stardates, then Chekov's first appearance was 'Amok Time' on stardate 3372.7, but Khan first appeared on stardate 3141.9, which is firmly placed within the First Season. And it's not as if he simply noticed Chekov in a crowd- for him to be sooo pissed off at Chekov they would have had to interact some how, maybe even talk to one another!"

"Actually, although transmitted first, 'Amok Time' was not Chekov's first appearance," Sheldon corrected. 'Catspaw' took place on stardate 3018.2, during the Second Season. It was the seventh episode of that season, but the producers intentionally arranged it so that it coincided with Halloween 1967, taking into account it's Halloweenesque story lines."

"Ricardo Montalban once joked at a convention that Chekov inadvertently prevented Khan from reaching the bathroom in time, forcing Khan to swear revenge!" Howard smiled over his lunch. "I know when I have to go nothing short of a black hole sucking me in the opposite direction is going to stop me!"

"Somehow I can't see Ricardo Montalban making poopy jokes!" Raj complained.

"And anyway, it's not as if they could have explained it in a later movie," Leonard noted. "Can you imagine the next one being called, _'The Search For Spock And_ _How Chekov Met Khan'_?"

Raj let it slide and dug into his lunch as the conversation shifted from one side of the table to the other, as they discussed thermo-dynamics, lunar geographic anomalies, and who was prettier, Amy Pond or Rose.

With the results dead-locked at two to two, they were soon asked to leave by their fellow instructors when the debate nearly got violent.

"I've never been so humiliated!" Sheldon fumed, pacing around his office as Leonard looked on. "Imagine, _me, Doctor Sheldon Cooper,_ asked to leave the cafeteria for being loud and out of control! Meee! I don't get out of control- I make my point!"

"You didn't have to threaten to give Howard a concussion with your Diet 7-Up that you said would hopefully leave him brain dead!" Leonard frowned, accusingly. "He likes Amy more, and he's entitled to his opinion."

"Even when he's ludicrously wrong? How could he dispute Rose Tyler's penchant for lighting up a room with her beauty? I'm sorry, but Amy Pond is so far behind in a Two-Companion race that it's laughable!"

"Sheldon, that vein in your left temple began to throb uncontrollably! The cafeteria staff had every right to kick us out!"

"Balderdash! Excuse me 16th century terminology, but I'm far too intelligent for someone as lowly as a cafeteria staffer to evict me! Probably likes Amy Pond more, too! Philistines!"  
>"Sheldon..."<p>

"I'll readily agree that as a companion of Doctor Who, Amy is a comely young lass, and is light years ahead of someone as vocally-abrasive as Melanie Bush, but even Howard's overactive libido should realize- Leonard? Where're you going?"

"I think I'll update my computer wallpaper into a collage of Amy Pond photos!"

Sheldon growled and touched his temples, aiming his ire in Leonard's direction, trying in vain to use his (nonexistent) hidden '_Scanners'_ mental power to make his friend explode.

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny!"

She opened her door again, and asked with her usual forced-smile, "Yes, Sheldon?'

"It's come to my attention that-" Sheldon began, only to be caught off guard by what he saw, and interrupt his train of thought. "Penny?"

"Yes, Sheldon?" she asked, innocently.

"Penny, why have you painted your eyelids in the form of eyeballs so that when you close your eyes that it looks like an ineffectual attempt to trick me into thinking that you're actually looking at me?"  
>"Whatever do you mean, Sheldon?" she asked, trying to maintain her innocent tone, despite unusually large eyes staring back at her nerdy neighbor that possessed too much white and were simple black irises, devoid of her green eye color.<p>

"Penny..." he said slowly, sounding like he wasn't being tricked.

She opened her eyes with a giggle, adding, "Well, you can't blame a girl for trying to catch up on her sleep while talking to you!"

"Actually, I can, and your lack of sleep would be effectively cured if you simply initiated a modicum of restraint and didn't encourage a steady stream of gentlemen callers from visiting you at all hours of the-"

"Sheldon! What...do...you...want?" she asked, beginning to get annoyed, now that her little practical joke had proved ineffective.

"It's come to my attention...just a moment. You didn't perchance recently watch an episode of the original _'Doctor Who'_ called _'Image of the Fendahl'_, did you?"

"Image of a whatsit?" she asked, clueless.

"_Image of the Fendahl'_," he replied, making it sound obvious. "A Tom Baker four-parter, where one Doctor Thea Ransome, played by Ms. Wanda Ventham, is transformed into a golden-skinned humanoid extension of a Fendahline, which coincidentally, has the same type of eye makeup on her closed eyes! Of course, the BBC did a much better, convincing job on the actress's makeup than you did, but the similarity is surprising."

Penny looked at him like he'd just started speaking Hungarian, so she just shook her had, and tried to get the conversation back on track. "Did you want something?"

"Yes, it's come to my...attention...oh. Frak," he murmured, looking off before looking back at her, his features like that of a repentant, naughty boy. "I forgot what I wanted to ask you."

"Son of a..." she sighed, and began to close the door. "Get back to me when you remember."

"I will. Thank you."

She shouldn't have said that, because exactly one minute and 23 seconds later...

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Penny"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

Penny swung her door open, forcing Sheldon to step back in surprise, and consider his options. Unfortunately, he was too OCD that he couldn't let it go. He mumbled and rapped his knuckles on the door in a flurry to make sure he knocked three times and called her name three times.

"Penny." _Knock-knock-knock!_ "Penny."

"I'm right here, Sheldonnn!" she asked, wincing from a developing headache. "You remember what you wanted to ask me?"

"Yes."

"Fine! What?"

"I'm considering switching my ingemination to four knocks and three 'Penny's, but I thought I should get your input before I put it into practice. Keep in mind that it could just be a temporary measure, and I might at any time fall back on old habits and knock only three times. But I would still expect you to answer your door in a timely fashion, as my three knocks would in no way establish a lesser urgency to see you."

"In...insemination?" she asked, still wincing.

"'Ingemination'," he corrected. "It's a verb meaning to repeat or reiterate, i.e. my knock-knock-knocks and Penny-Penny-Pennys. Really, I would have thought that at some time in your career at the Cheesecake Factory that someone learned in 16th Century Latin would have educated you in its meaning. Actually, that would be me."

"Geez, this feels like a migraine," Penny moaned, rubbing her head as Sheldon confused her further.

"Maybe it's a tumour?"

"It's not a tumour!" she shouted back at him.

Sheldon paused and waited for her to speak again, but only offered, "I believe you were supposed to respond in your faulty, Austrian accent. You were just mimicking Arnold Schwarzenegger from _'Kindergarten Cop'_, were you not? One of the tiny delinquents suggests his headache is a tumour, and replies, 'It's not a tumour!'. You see how much better I did it there? All it requires is a certain amount of tongue twisting and effort. Let's try this together now; 'It's not-"

Penny shook her head and slammed the door in his face, leaving him confused and unsure of what to do next. He took a few cautious steps back towards his apartment, and mumbled over his shoulder, "I'll get back to you regarding the four knocks."

A few days later Leonard invited Penny over to share Chinese take-out, and despite the potential annoyance from Sheldon or one of Howard's lame pick-up attempts, the half-stale can of tuna in her refrigerator simply wasn't going to mix very well with her Frosted Flakes for a decent dinner. She knocked on the door and let herself in, as she usually did.

"Hi, guys! Oh, that smells gr-"

"STOP!" Sheldon blurted out. She froze in the doorway and looked down at the floor, noticing that Sheldon was down on all fours and actually writing on the floor with (hopefully) a dry-erase marker. She had been close to stepping on some of those crazy, scientist mumbo-jumbo egghead kind of mathematical figures. "You nearly smudged by quantum theory on dark matter!"

"Oh. Sorry. Can I step over here or am I going to wind up in one of those black hole thingies?"

"Certainly not. Over there you'll find yourself on a nine-level existential time-line where matter is equal to the power of ten."

"Oh. You mean 'Detroit'?" she joked. He looked up at her like she'd just sworn at his mother. "Sorry. And I sure as heck know I'm going to regret this, but why're you writing your equations on the floor?"

He replied deadpanned, "Because the shower curtain is full."

She looked to Leonard, but he could only offer, "Don't ask. Everyone's here, Sheldon."

As Leonard began to remove all of the goodies in the take-out packages and he handed Howard and Raj their portions, Sheldon continued to write and make complicated mathematical calculations on the hardwood floor as Penny tip-toed around him.

"Did you buy the egg rolls filled with barbecued pork?" he asked, as his mind adjusted a calculation.

"Yes."

"The ones with the cabbage, celery, and chop suey, but not the bean sprouts?"

"Yes."

"Did you get the Crab Rangoon stuffed with crab and cream cheese?"

"Yes."

"And scallions?".

"Yes."

"The kind that are deep-fried?"

"Yes."

"The kind with low-fat cream cheese?"

"Got it."

"Did you get the Beef in Oyster Sauce, specifying that the beef be thinly sliced and then marinated with soy sauce, cornstarch, and a pinch of sugar?

"Yes."

"Was the beef is stir-fried or deep-fried?"

"Stir-fried."

"Are you sure?"  
>"Yes, I snuck into the kitchen to watch."<p>

"Did you bring enough soy sauce for everyone?"

"Got'em right here," Leonard said, holding them up, even though Sheldon didn't look back to be sure. "One for me, one for Penny, three for you, three for Raj, and eight for Wolowitz."  
>"Yummy!" Howard piped up, licking his lips in anticipation.<p>

"Did you buy Egg Drop Soup?"

"Yes."

"The classic kind, with chicken broth and not just chicken stock?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"I made a point of asking."

"Is it topped with threads of egg?"

"Yes."  
>"And green onion garnish?"<p>

"Yes."

"Because they add frozen peas to the stock but not the broth."

"I know."

"So it's topped with threads of egg, and it has green onion garnish?"

"Yes, I just said so!"

"Did you separate the plum sauce from this order and our previous order so I'll know which is fresher?"

"Yes, I did."

"Did you ask them to add cubed carrots to the Egg Drop Soup for me?"

"I asked."

"And?"

"They said to hell with you. So? Come and get it."  
>"No, thanks. I'm not hungry."<p>

Leonard, Howard, and Penny looked at each other in frustration and rolled their eyes, while Raj grinned widely and reached towards the Beef in Oyster Sauce for a larger serving until Sheldon warned over his shoulder,

"Don't even think of loading up on the Beef in Oyster Sauce, Raj- I still lay claim to my portion."

"Then...you _will _be eating with us? Just in a few minutes?" Howard wondered.

"Certainly not! I'm much too busy to think about trivial, unimportant matters such as food!"

"Then, why-"

"Because Leonard bought that food with the inclusion of my serving! My serving is my serving."

"But you're not going to eat it?" Howard asked, annoyed, feeling bad for Raj, who was frowning in silence.

"If I knew that for certain I wouldn't need these calculations to determine my nine-level existential time line. For that I'd need to work on the calculations for a _twelve-_level existential time line."

"Either that or a fourth packet of soy sauce!" Penny joked.

To his credit, Sheldon paused only momentarily to consider this, before he wrote down some mathematical figures.

After dinner had been eaten by four out of the five friends gathered, Penny had to get something off her chest, and since she usually did that with the guys every week...  
>"Too many things are happening on my schedule for me to keep track of! I actually have two casting calls on the same day within an hour of the other, but on opposite sides of the city! I haven't a clue which one to go to, 'cause I also have to pick my Mom up at the airport, since she's visiting for the weekend, but she's not exactly sympathetic to my acting career! She wants me to be either a lawyer or a gymnast. Or both, like my cousin, Mario."<br>Howard opened his mouth, but Penny shook her head with a frown.

"Don't ask. And then there's the problem of her trying to be too helpful, and trying to get me an interview at the canning factory on Midland Avenue! Can you picture me, a professional actress, in a canning factory slapping on labels of soup?"

Raj, who was still too shy to speak out loud in front of her (or any women, for that matter) whispered something in Howard's ear, which made the Beatle-mopped, loudly-dressed nerd giggle, even as Raj smiled at his comment.

"What did he say?" Penny asked.

Howard smiled and said, "Raj said he wouldn't mind slapping your cans!", only to get a punch in the arm for his honesty. "Heyyy! You said it, not me! You might want to preface your comments in my ear with, 'Don't repeat this one, but...'! Sheesh!"

"Anyways, as you can see, I've got too much on my plate and not enough time to figure out how to do everything! I wish I could go back in time to the beginning because

I have no idea how in the world all this started," Penny moaned, leaning over her lap and propping her head up on one hand.

"Well, it's quite simple, Penny," Sheldon interjected. "Our whole universe was in a hot dense state, then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started...

""But-"

"Wait The Earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall, we built the pyramids, math, science, history, unravelling the mysteries, that all started with the Big Bang!"

"I-"  
>"BANG!" Sheldon shouted, making Penny jump slightly.<p>

He stood there waiting for her response, but all she managed was a placating smile, and a condescending, "Okey-dokey, then. More information than I wanted, but that's vintage Sheldon."

He frowned at her like her fifth grade teacher, Miss Dopplemonger, and when the expected 'thank you' didn't materialize, he asked innocently, "You mean that wasn't helpful?"

She shook her head and patted him on the top of his. "No, sweetie. But it was worth a shot."

"What happened to 'dearest'?" he asked, frowning even deeper.

"Aw, Sheldon..."  
>"I actually began to adjust to the affectation of 'dearest'. After I spoke to her on the phone and used it in a sentence, my Mother adopted it like a Borg assimilating Jean-Luc Picard...however Professor Lockwood down in Engineering just looked at me with abject horror. I might have to suggest 'sweetie' to him next time I see him."<p>

"Please don't," a worried Penny asked, her facial features straining as she pictured the historic exchange.

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Leonard, Penny, and Howard!"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Leonard, Penny, and Howard!"

_Knock-knock-knock!_

"Leonard, Penny, and Howard"

Penny starred at Sheldon just outside her door with her usual 'are-you-kidding-me?' expression and said,

"Sheldon, the door's wide open! Just come in!"

He paused with characteristic confusion and told her, "Actually my mother told me to never just enter a room without knocking and I've stuck to those Texas guns."

"That's nice. Get in here."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It stinks in here."  
>"Howard!" Leonard snapped, receiving a horrified look from his mop-topped friend.<p>

"Heyyy! It wasn't me! You smelled it, you dealt it, buster!"

"Are you saying it was me?" Penny asked, threateningly.

Howard opened his mouth and chuckled, his shoulders hunching under her withering stare. "Nooo! Nooo, of course not. But I guarantee you it wasn't me, so that leaves Mister Lactose Intolerant here!"

"Hey, I haven't had a piece of cheese in a week!"

"I kneeew it!" Sheldon cried out from the open door, pointing an accusing finger at Leonard. "And you ate it in my room, didn't you? I knew I detected an unpleasant odorous expulsion that night!"  
>Found out, Leonard smirked and said, "Actually I ate it in the car...I just 'visited' your room when I came home. I had to find something."<p>

"You know the rules about visiting my room, according to our Roommate Agreement, and section 6, paragraph 1 specifically deals with your Lactose Intolerance!"

"Okay, okay, okay, all this poopy talk is find and dandy, but it still doesn't get us to the point!" Penny stated, looking around her messy apartment and her two guests. "Why do you think my apartment stinks?"

"Simply put, as your bathroom is located on the other side of the wall of our living room, and my optimum seating position is nearest to that focal point, I was minding my own business doi9ng a little light reading, namely _'Nature and the Greeks and Science and_ _Humanism' _by Erwin Schrodinger and Roger Penrose, when I was suddenly assaulted by a veritable plethora of indistinct, but obvious odors. Hmm. Plethora. Plethora. You know, I think I'll make that my Word of the Day. I need to inform Amy Farrah Fowler about this. Plethora. _ Plethoraaa!"_

"Yea, yea, very nice. We'll get back to you on that!" Penny assured, beginning to close the door.

"Wait!" Sheldon called out, stopping the door with a well-placed foot. "Don't you want to know what elements I smelled?"  
>"Nope! Thanks!"<p>

She shoved the door closed with a grunt, waited for him to come back, but was soon satisfied that Sheldon had returned to the other apartment as she heard the muffled sound of the door closed across the hall.

"Okay! Well, that was interesting...and lucrative for me! Pay up, bee-otches!"

She hurried over to the guys, clapping to herself like a little girl, and then stuck out her shaking hands to them.

Leonard began to slowly pull his wallet out, but Howard was slower to accept defeat.

"This is so unfair! What kind of pool involving offending Sheldon takes less than five minutes?"

"The kind that I know will pay big bucks really fast! Cough up your $20, Howard!"

Leonard slapped a twenty in her hand, his face sour, and tone equally so. "I knew I shoulda picked 5 minutes or less! No fair taking advantage of the Lactose Intolerant guy!"

Howard handed her his twenty, and held onto it without letting go as he frowned, "How about Best 2 out of 3? This time_ I_ pick the type of pool?"

Penny shook her head, and checked her watch. "Oh, geez, look at the time! Gotta pick my Mom up at the airport! It's been a pleasure boys!"

Leonard and Howard were ushered out of her apartment as she grabbed her purse and locked her door behind her.

"You gonna tell me what your secret odor was? Or that plethora of odors?" Leonard asked, still curious.

Penny smiled and patted him on the head.

"Maybe it was my freezer full of rotting Tauntaun meat? You know- they smelled bad enough on the outside, but their insides? Wooo!"

Leonard thought about it for several seconds, wondering how she could have possibly memorized the furry animal Han Solo rode in _'The Empire Strikes Back'_, not to mention what she really used to stink-up Sheldon, but he let it slide and offered as he ran back up to his friends,

"If you ever need to get him out of the apartment again, I know how long it takes to freak him out by making your nose whistle!"...


End file.
